Angels We Have Heard
Are High

angelic kitsch...from Hell

Cavalcade of Bad Nativities
it came upon a midnight weird

The Passion of the Tchotchke
holy week kitsch-o-rama

Stations of the Kitsch


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  Cavalcade of Bad Nativities
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Saturday, December 04, 2004


Is the baby Jesus made from mini marshmallows and those little Andes tingaling mints? And his name shall mean, Snacks Are With Us.

Crap, now I want a S'more. And I don't even really like S'mores.
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Sunday, December 05, 2004

the holy family of kitsch

This is a set of costumes for those geese people have on their porches, the ones that get dressed up to match the current holiday or season. Those geese. The best detail is of course the baby Jesus. Since I guess there are no cement/resin/plastic baby ducklings available, well, rubber ducky, you're the one.

Lo, I have come to make bathtime so much fun!
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Monday, December 06, 2004

can't sleep...Joseph will eat me...

Yes, it's a gianormous inflatable holy family.

of course it lights up.
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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

bonus bad nativity

We'll have two today, because I've just been alerted to something so very, very wrong, it cannot wait.

Celebrity Nativity at Madame Tussauds

I know when I think of the Virgin Mary, Posh Spice is the first person who comes to mind. And that's Hugh Grant as a shepherd, next to Samuel L. Jackson. WTF?
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I feel like chicken tonight

Chicken nativity! B'gock!

I would really have to display this one in a creche made from a KFC bucket.
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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

disco holy family!

In the future, holiness will be designated by fiber optics. It's true!

The person whose soul-crushing job it is to write product descriptions for this stuff says it best:

This colorful 14" fiber optic nativity is a must have for your Christmas décor. Exquisitely crafted from porcelain and masterfully accented with hand painted details, this beautiful nativity contains transparent fibers that continuously change through a rainbow of colors.

Got that? It's exquisitely crafted. Those details are masterful!
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Thursday, December 09, 2004

raver Jesus

Once again proving that the only thing better than a cheap nativity is a cheap nativity with fiber optic holiness-indicators:

I think everyone looks a little cramped in there for some reason. Joseph looks like his feet hurt. That star is just kind of crammed onto the roof, there's a random pillar in there, and everyone has to hold their heads at weird angles to see the child. I kind of feel sorry for them.

This is a very depressing nativity, and the fiber optics only make it worse. It's trying too hard.

Oh, and here's a bit of nightmare fuel a reader tipped me off to: scary animated baby Jesus (tragically - or not - scary flash baby Jesus is gone).
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Friday, December 10, 2004

is this the bible belt? (ba-dum-bum)

The problem with most of the nativities I've posted so far is that you can't really take them with you. Only a select few people will ever know about the glory of your nativity collection...unless! You get this amazing nativity belt buckle.

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Saturday, December 11, 2004

...and they brought him gold, frankincense and snausages

Two different visions of the nativity starring dogs

I'm fresh out of clever. Fill in your own hilarity!
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