Angels We Have Heard
Are High

angelic kitsch...from Hell

Cavalcade of Bad Nativities
it came upon a midnight weird

The Passion of the Tchotchke
holy week kitsch-o-rama

Stations of the Kitsch


I am not responsible for the content of the above ads, which are often hilariously mis-matched.


Saturday, December 11, 2004

...and they brought him gold, frankincense and snausages

Two different visions of the nativity starring dogs

I'm fresh out of clever. Fill in your own hilarity!

Oh, and am I wrong about this being the creepiest baby Jesus doll ever?
link | Comments []

[back to top]

Friday, December 10, 2004

is this the bible belt? (ba-dum-bum)

The problem with most of the nativities I've posted so far is that you can't really take them with you. Only a select few people will ever know about the glory of your nativity collection...unless! You get this amazing nativity belt buckle.

link | Comments []

[back to top]

Thursday, December 09, 2004

raver Jesus

Once again proving that the only thing better than a cheap nativity is a cheap nativity with fiber optic holiness-indicators:

I think everyone looks a little cramped in there for some reason. Joseph looks like his feet hurt. That star is just kind of crammed onto the roof, there's a random pillar in there, and everyone has to hold their heads at weird angles to see the child. I kind of feel sorry for them.

This is a very depressing nativity, and the fiber optics only make it worse. It's trying too hard.

Oh, and here's a bit of nightmare fuel a reader tipped me off to: scary animated baby Jesus.
link | Comments []

[back to top]

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

my EYES!

Y'all might enjoy uglychristmaslights.com.

I'm just not sure that the development of cheap, huge inflatable characters is going to turn out to be a win for humanity. Because when everyone can afford to have a giant spherical Santa in their front yard...well, evidence suggests that they will just go ahead and do it.

abrupt topic shift

I'm focusing on skool and getting as much done as possible before this weekend, so that I won't be quite as hosed as I am at this moment. Can I just pause here a moment to reflect on how much my first semester of deacon skool has sucked? Because it really has, despite my best efforts to be all perky about it. It's not a quitting kind of suckage, it's more that I've had to take a really hard look at myself and the many ways in which I can be a real asshole sometimes, as well as the ways in which I go out of my way to set up a nice spectacular failure now and then, and many other things I do which are ultimately less than helpful. So I'm trying to work out a new way to be in the world, and it's weird and uncomfortable, but it's also a good thing, this stripping away. I just thought that I'd, you know, signed up for the easy plan. Which is entirely not the case as it turns out. The payoff, of course, is that I have a very strong sense of God working in the world and in me.

Really cool moment today - a woman came in who was trying to get to Seattle, but she was out of gas and out of food and hadn't eaten since yesterday. Which totally could have been a scam, except I just knew that I was supposed to help her. I pulled together some food from the kitchen; I found a cereal bar when we started looking and gave that to her so that she could eat something right away, and I really don't think she was kidding about not eating, although she was trying not to just wolf it down. We got her set up, I may have slipped her something from my wallet (I'm not saying I did, since that would be against policy), and then we went out into the courtyard so that I could point her back to the freeway and to the cheapest gas station up the street. It was such a gorgeous day - it had been raining a bit, so everythiing was clear and clean and slightly sparkling, and almost at the same time, we both said, "God is good," because that was the only possible reaction. Her name is Cora, and a few extra prayers her way would be appreciated. She really blessed me today.
link | Comments []

[back to top]

disco holy family!

In the future, holiness will be designated by fiber optics. It's true!

The person whose soul-crushing job it is to write product descriptions for this stuff says it best:

This colorful 14” fiber optic nativity is a must have for your Christmas décor. Exquisitely crafted from porcelain and masterfully accented with hand painted details, this beautiful nativity contains transparent fibers that continuously change through a rainbow of colors.

Got that? It's exquisitely crafted. Those details are masterful!
link | Comments []

[back to top]

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

bonus bad nativity

We'll have two today, because I've just been alerted to something so very, very wrong, it cannot wait.

Celebrity Nativity at Madame Tussauds

I know when I think of the Virgin Mary, Posh Spice is the first person who comes to mind. And that's Hugh Grant as a shepherd, next to Samuel L. Jackson. WTF?
link | Comments []

[back to top]

I feel like chicken tonight

Chicken nativity! B'gock!

I would really have to display this one in a creche made from a KFC bucket.
link | Comments []

[back to top]

Monday, December 06, 2004

can't sleep...Joseph will eat me...

Yes, it's a gianormous inflatable holy family.

of course it lights up.
link | Comments []

[back to top]

Sunday, December 05, 2004

the holy family of kitsch

I have decided that my theme for Advent is Nativities That Maybe Don't Need to Exist. I'll be posting a new one every day! Feel free to email me with examples.

Today's entry comes from reader Jessica.

This is a set of costumes for those geese people have on their porches, the ones that get dressed up to match the current holiday or season. Those geese. The best detail is of course the baby Jesus. Since I guess there are no cement/resin/plastic baby ducklings available, well, rubber ducky, you're the one.

Lo, I have come to make bathtime so much fun!
link | Comments []

[back to top]