Angels We Have Heard
Are High

angelic kitsch...from Hell

Cavalcade of Bad Nativities
it came upon a midnight weird

The Passion of the Tchotchke
holy week kitsch-o-rama

Stations of the Kitsch


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Sunday, January 30, 2005

my elephants are grey and dingy

Today was the white elephant sale in Oakland, which is only the best sale ever. Ryan, Sarah, and I went and bought many elephants, ate SuperDogs from the cart outside, and wore ourselves out carrying all of our stuff around the warehouse all afternoon.

Best thing purchased: This set of two, um, I don't know, grottos? Is there a correct term for half a styrofoam ball covered in glitter, pearls, and sequins, suspended over more styrofoam on either gold-painted dowels (large) or gold-painted coffee stirrers (small), with a random nativity set placed on what appears to be aquarium gravel glued to yet more styrofoam?

I also hit the craft section and got some random double-pointed needles and cable needles and stitch holders, a bunch of snaps and hooks and eyes because I never have the right sizes, and other random bits, all for a couple of dollars.

I had to get Dennis a present, of course, so I picked up Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints from 1966, which contains such gems as, "If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies.'" Humor was weird in the 60s.

All in all, a very fun and satisfying day.
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Friday, January 28, 2005

in which dust bunnies are mentioned in a weird context

Yay, the annual meeting is over.

St. Ned's actually has a pretty good time with the annual meeting. The band always plays, and this year they did surf music, mostly so that Wipe Out could be the musical cue before the treasurer's report. The person who reported after him was kind of disappointed to not get any theme music.

It was an interesting meeting, since 2004 sucked major monkey butt was a challenging year for the parish. TheRev announced that we are taking 2005 as a sabbatical year, with the intention of spending a bit of time and energy looking inward and deciding who we are as a community, and what we're doing too much of and not doing enough of. We're going to be on a serious spiritual discipline kick during Lent, which is exciting. Real Lent!

For Ash Wednesday, I thought about filling up one of the showcase bulletin boards in the courtyard with the stuff under the sofa and some dryer lint, and putting a sign in the middle saying, "remember that you are this." And to dust bunnies you shall return.

I can now turn my attention to knitting schoolwork. I have to write a parable for my New Testament class, and while Jesus made that look easy, I have to say, it's So. Not. The kingdom of heaven is like...um...a tootsie roll pop...no. I am fresh out of universal truth here.
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Thursday, January 27, 2005

chia pet euthanasia

So, the youth minister and I got TheRev a chia pet for Christmas. And it's on my desk, because, well, I'm not really sure why.

It's a Shrek head, and the chias (is that the plural of chia?) haven't really grown in an organized way, so he kind of has Ogre Pattern Baldness. And now there is mold growing on the back of his head.
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Saturday, January 22, 2005

weekend update

Narrrgh. I think my decision that I was Pretty! Much! Better! and could resume my usual schedule was a bit premature. I tried to put in more hours at work this week than I probably should have. I made it through skool today, but left after my last class and didn't stay for services or tonight's community dinner. I am beat.

Unfortunately, I don't actually get to take it easy for the next week, since I have more skool tomorrow, and then the icing on the suck cake is that St. Ned's annual meeting is Friday night. I have barely started putting the annual report together, so my life is going to be way too intense from now until Saturday, when I intend to collapse in a heap.

I had two new classes today. Homiletics, aka preaching, and Introduction to Theological Reflection. I have to put together a six-minute sermon before the next skool weekend. Massive mindfuckery, here I come. If I can turn it into theological mindfuckery, perhaps I can make it work for the other class, too. I am all about the multi-tasking.

I think I got a subtle (sort of) smackdown in my Liturgics class re: talking too much. So I am going to try to shut up. Seems like a good plan. Also moderately unlikely.

The Christmas tree is still up, because I haven't had the energy to deal with it. If it goes any longer, I'm going to throw beads on it and call it a Mardi Gras tree. Although the thought of the elf heads saying, "show us your boobs!" in high-pitched elf voices...kind of creepy.
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

'cause I'm the tax man

Just a reminder that there's at least one good thing about being poor: e-file your taxes for free if you meet the (lack of) income requirements. Although it looks like this year, anyone can qualify for some programs. Free is good!
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Friday, January 14, 2005

still alive

Yes, I'm still alive! Just not very useful yet. I went to work for a couple of days, just to get the basic stuff dealt with, like the bulletin for Sunday, but just getting there made me tired, so I wasn't very productive. But I was seriously going to go insane if I didn't get out of the house, so at least I got to wear a bra and drive, which were both novelties.

I've been getting some wonderful notes from readers, and I am, as usual, very behind on my correspondence! Thanks to everyone who has written, and especially for the contributions of more bad nativities. I'm filing them away and I think I might have enough material to do another round next Advent. I'm still figuring out what to do for Lent. I think I'll give up good taste.

I had to miss the Skool for Deacons retreat last weekend, and now I'm missing our diocesan convention this weekend. Convention is pretty dull, but usually fun because St. Ned's table is where all the bad kids hang out and pass rude notes to each other and laugh inappropriately. Also, one can get lots of knitting done. I've been too sick to knit with any brain-power, but I've almost finished the first sleeve of Dennis' Christmas sweater. Stupid two-arm design. Hey, God, I could be DONE by now if you'd stopped us at one. (of course, one handed knitting...ok, fine, we can stay with the current design.)

I went to the dr today and they said my chest sounds a lot better, and that my energy will return...eventually. I keep thinking that I should be better by now, but that's not based on any actual medical knowledge so much as the fact that I am REALLY REALLY BORED and would like to have some energy back now, please.
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Sunday, January 09, 2005


The hyperness wore off eventually, and now I just don't have the energy to do anything. I've mostly been sleeping, or else trying to get comfortable on the sofa while attempting to concentrate on various things. Which isn't really working out. Pneumonia sucks, yo.
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Friday, January 07, 2005

dude, speed is not my drug

So? The hyperactivity? They warned me about? It's like, happening? And stuff? But my body is, like, not as active as my brain is and I can't do much that requires getting up? So I'm like, offering to redesign Dennis' web site? And he's like (paraphrase) You have crazy-eyes and are manic and are not to touch the site right now because you are babbling and not making any sense and bouncing and (ok, he stopped talking a few minutes ago. This is me being in slight overdrive). I'm trying to knit but it doesn't go FAST enough. Also? Jittery.

Come back later for the inevitable crash.
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Thursday, January 06, 2005

home by another way...the wrong way

The cat on the right is drunk.
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King McLargeHuge

Once you have the giant inflatable holy family, you have to complete the set:

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well, it probably wasn't a very good star, anyway

This WiseEeyore is part of a larger Pooh beanie nativity. In case you're wondering, Pooh is Mary. The part of the baby Jesus is played by Piglet. Commence boggling now.
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these three kings of orient are...melting

In honor of Epiphany, I'm going to finish off the cavalcade of bad nativities with a few of the dumber wisemen I've come across.

It would be sort of fun to mix these mag-i-cicles in with a more traditional desert-based set.
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stupid lungs

So, you know how I was all sick over New Year's and couldn't go out? Well, I haven't gotten any better, despite taking a metric buttload of antibiotics, so I went to the doctor today, and I have pneumonia. How fun is that? Not at all, as it turns out.


I have some new meds to take tonight, which have side effects which may include: hyperactivity, overeating, dizziness, and flushed skin. I'm kind of hoping for the hyperactivity one, since that Christmas tree really needs to come down and I've been trying to just do it With My Mind but it's not working. Each branch has to go back in a little wax-paper sleeve; I guess it keeps the aluminum from tarnishing or getting crushed. The kitty will be sad to see the tree go, since she has rather enjoyed batting at the lowest ornaments. It spins slowly enough for her to really get interested. I could use some hyperactivity right about now, indeed.
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Tuesday, January 04, 2005

why it's good to have secret passwords

I redecorated Dennis' blog in honor of his birthday. I'm so happy that he was born! (mayhem is archived here)
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Saturday, January 01, 2005

visions of sugarplums

A few scenes of Christmas decorations chez Sara & Dennis:

Elves and elf heads hung up in a doorway.

Here's a shot of our aluminum tree, which also features decapitated elves and many many feet of bead garlands.

And that would pretty much be it for decorations around here. I never did get our collection of lighted tinsel treetoppers hung up. But I picked up a really awful one when I went to Walgreen's yesterday to get the squishy Puffs with the lotion. It has a vintage-looking round-headed angel in the middle of the traditional lighted tinsel ring. $1.49 of fine kitsch.

Happy New Year! Dennis had a great time at the New Monsoon show last night. I couldn't go because, believe it or not, I am sick again. Same deal, sore throat goes to head cold goes to chest cold. Bah. I couldn't sleep, so I watched the Scariest Movie Moments thing on Bravo after midnight, which was perhaps not the best choice. Me=kind of a wuss.

This ick been going around at church, and I've been such a ball of stress, it's amazing I have anything that would count as an immune system. And of course I had a shitload of things to do this weekend, which did not include sitting on the sofa and bitching and eating lemon drops. And yet that seems to be the only thing I've crossed off my to-do list.

I've pulled the Advent nativities together and put them all here: Cavalcade of Bad Nativities.
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