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Friday, April 09, 2004
Hey, poor people (you know, like those who work in churches) - there are lots of places to get free e-filing of your taxes if your adjusted gross income is less than $35k (thank you, student loan interest writeoff).
I had no idea, and was just about to give TurboTax $40 when I found out. I did end up paying the free people $10 to file my Cali tax, but that's because I'm too lazy to do the paper version.
In other words, whee, my taxes are done. Next up, Dennis' taxes.
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Thursday, April 08, 2004
The Passion of the Easter Bunny
It may not have been as gruesome as Mel Gibson's movie, but many parents and children got upset when a church trying to teach about Jesus' crucifixion performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter bunny and breaking eggs.
People who attended Saturday's show at Glassport's memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, "There is no Easter bunny," and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified.
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I can just picture this meeting..."hey, what can we do to make Burger King even more disturbing than those horrible singing tumors at Quizno's?"
The answer: Subservient Chicken.
I told it to wash my feet, in the spirit of Maundy Thursday.
Here's a rapidly-growing list of things the chicken will and won't do. Apparently there are over 400 clips.
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Wednesday, April 07, 2004
St. Ned's is having its Easter Egg Hunt on Saturday. Of course, a visit from the Easter Bunny is part of the festivities. There's usually a teenage boy inside the costume, since they're the right size and they're willing to run around in a big fursuit with a giant head while being tackled by children. Adults will not touch this job.
Last year, the bunny-boy's little sisters were hassling him, so he smacked one of them lightly. Which led another child to ask her mom why the Easter Bunny was hitting those kids. So, we're the church with the kid-smacking Easter Bunny. I love this place.
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Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Soul-Search Engine on The Onion.
"As the amount of information on the web increases, individuals want a search engine to provide them with results that are personally meaningful," Semel said. "Enter the Yahoo Soul Search—a powerful new tool that reveals what's deep inside your heart, using the user-friendly interface already familiar to Yahoo fans."
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In case you missed it: The Raccoon Stories at Real Live Preacher.
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I've just been accused of glowing. Apparently this has been going on for a while now.
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Ryan and Leigh and the thorax cake have become a meme.
Not Martha
Dave Barry
BoingBoing
I wonder if my wedding cake will be as famous...
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Sunday, April 04, 2004
One of my less appealing personality characteristics is that I'm deeply lazy. I believe we call this sloth, although that always makes me think of the silly animal by that name and distracts me from what I really mean.
To make this slothfulness even less charming, I will let something, say the interior of my car, go for far far too long, and then when I finally do something about it, I want a freaking parade in my honor.
Get the monkeys into their costumes, because I actually cleaned my car interior this morning. I've been housesitting this weekend, and taking care of Rainbow, aka Spazzy McSpazdog, a very sweet golden retriever puppy with a thing for chewing on my arm. Housesitting also allowed me access to an actual driveway and an array of devices that all pointed to cleaning my damn car already.
First, I mucked out the debris, finding, among other things, an unmailed birthday gift for my niece. Ack. I am the world's suckiest aunt. It will go in the mail tomorrow. (I'm so sorry, MacKenzie! I have Bridal Brain! I have lost 20 IQ points and all of my short-term memory!) I also found an inflatable monkey, 7 diet crack cans, 4 mapquest printouts to places I haven't been in months, 6 doses of sudafed, a Book of Common Prayer, 8 ballpoint pens, and $1.83 in change. I would point out here that I didn't even touch the trunk, and that the Beetle is not a large car. This was all in the passenger compartment.
Then I vacuumed, which was very exciting because my friend owns an actual grownup vacuum, the kind that people with carpets and kids and dogs should have. We have hardwood floors at home, and are all about the Swiffer, plus a little handvac. Then I used the other thing that probably everyone with carpets and kids and dogs should have, which is the Bissel Stainlifter, a deep cleaning wet brush thingy. I used that on the seats, especially where things like spilled coffee and muddy dog feet had come into play. Fabulous.
Then I got really inspired and started cleaning all the plastic bits and the doorjambs and the vast expanse of dashboard and the cupholders. I even took the silk daisies out of the vase and shook them to get some of the dust off.
The outside is still pretty good, since Dennis washed it last week. The Bird Mafia at St. Ned's has already left some calling cards. I've seen them; they sit on my side mirrors and just let fly. I usually have matching decorations on both sides of the car. I sense conspiracy. I gave those a quick swipe, though, so they'll just have to put new ones on tomorrow.
And thus ends an incredibly long post about cleaning my car.
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