Cavalcade of Bad Nativities 2007

Hello Bethlehem, are u ready to rock?

admin — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 20:00:01 +0000

As I coast around the interwebs looking for these things, I have to admit to a bit of relief that some searches come up empty. Not finding viable entries for categories such as nativity bongs, patriotic nativities, nativity-on-a-stick, and cheese nativity is oddly heartwarming. Also grateful that googling ‘leather nativity’ only brings up this one. I’m a bit surprised it isn’t a band name, actually.

the holy family can only wish they were in a stable

admin — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 08:33:17 +0000

There are worse places to have a baby than in a stable. There is, for example, the base of a giant cuckoo clock.

“whew, he finally went to sleep, maybe I can grab a few minutes of shut-eye now…”
CUCKOO CUCKOOO
waaaaaaaah!!

we come from the land of the ice and snow

admin — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 08:08:09 +0000

A land, I might add, of oddly-proportioned creatures.

My favorite thing about this one is how much Joseph looks like the statue outside the old Big Boy. It used to end up on the roof of the high school every year around homecoming.

Actually, that’s a lie. My favorite thing is that it makes me want to say “we must get moose and seal” in a Boris and Natasha voice. Because there’s a moose…and…oh, never mind.

careful, those wings are sharp

admin — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 08:39:05 +0000

Tragically, the holy parents were neatly bisected by the edges of the clumsy angel’s wings.

and then we were at the inn…and that waiter…what was his name? *

admin — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 08:59:49 +0000

Nativity Cocoa: it’s bethlehem-tastic!

* decades-old coffee commercials: your deep well of humorous references

ewww, smells like Kinkade

admin — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 08:41:33 +0000

Today we salute Thomas Kinkade, painter of…actually, I don’t know if he even paints anymore, or just keeps lots of factories busy churning out nativity nausea-bait.

This one spins when you pull the tassel. I hope the wisemen enjoy their ride on the Tilt-O-Jesus.

This tree skirt has embedded fiber optic lights, so the stars twinkle.

And there’s a matching fiber optic wreath! We live in a golden age.

looming

admin — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 08:39:11 +0000

Two examples of the nativity scene with giant angel motif.

“Not like I was using my legs or anything…”

You know what this needs? Fiber optics. And moving wings. Yes.

lo, I have come to make bathtub so much fun

admin — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 03:46:31 +0000

Yeah, I know, I used that joke in 1.0. I only have one joke, ok?

don we now our lame apparel

admin — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 08:36:09 +0000

Don’t worry guys, there’s nativity fug for you, too! Nativity ties for everyone!

I’m pretty sure the one on the far left isn’t supposed to be the silhouette of two people playing pattycake over a tiki lamp. But what do I know.

I’m not checking out your rack, I’m following the star.

Are you sure this is sparkly enough? I’m worried that it can’t be seen from space.

project manger

admin — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 16:13:44 +0000

This weekend, we celebrate the nativity as fashion icon. You don’t get much more stylish than this:

Better to have Camel Arm than cameltoe, but still.