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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I've had some more time to think about this ordination process moratorium, and I think I'm in a better place with it now.
The truth is, there are many gifts in this. The first one is the gift of space, obviously. I can't be worrying about the PROCESS and getting all of my ducks in a row for the PROCESS because, baby, there ain't no process. Nada. There is nothing for me to be chasing after here, nothing to be putting extra time-pressure on me. So I can take whatever amount of time it's going to take to get through skool, and maybe have time to do other things along the way, like not being insane, or enjoying the Dennis, or building the last two bookcases that have been sitting in their boxes since freaking January. January!
There's also the change in focus that comes from losing ordination as a goal. It will either happen or it won't, and I don't get to find out which way it's going to go until I'm almost done with skool. It's a subtle shift, but it does mean that I need to find a way to enjoy skool for its own sake, because there's a good chance that I won't get to go on to the next step. There are too many variables in play for me to get smug about ordination. We're getting a new process and a new bishop (eventually), plus I'm not exactly the poster child for the perfect deacon.
If God wants it to happen, it will happen and I'll go along with it, but I can't be trying to force it into my little plan. That way lies crankiness.
So, that's where I am with this right now. It's yet another in the series of Cosmic Cluestickings that I apparently signed up for at some point.
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