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Sunday, March 27, 2005
With much fear and trembling, I went to a new therapist on Friday.
My biggest fear was getting someone who would treat my faith as a mental illness (which, btw, isn't something I feel like debating) and we'd spend so much time dealing with that, we'd never get to things that are actually sucking. But I found someone through the clergy wellness resources list @ diocal, so they're faith-friendly and I don't have to backfill about The Process, etc.
I do not have a good history with therapy, because, well, EverythingIsFineGirl usually shows up. Seriously, I have a vast history of paying people to listen to me tell them that I'm doing Just Fine. File that under 'some fucked up shit right there, yo.'
I had a few moments where I had to consciously decide not to gloss over stuff, but I think I managed to be real. I was really mopey yesterday, since it stirred up a lot of things I thought I was done with.
The Easter Vigil last night pulled me right out of myself, though. It's my favorite service of the year, because it's kind of the stealth service for the faithful. Visitors come on Sunday, not on Saturday night. I knew almost everyone who was there. The passing of the peace reminded me of the way we do it at skool, with everyone going free-range into the aisles and across the church to spread hugs around. It was quite the love-fest.
The service starts in darkness, with everyone holding a candle. I helped out at the altar, holding a candle for SassyPriest so that she could see the altar book and sing the Exultet. It will be at least two years before anyone will ask me to sing it, since it is supposed to be sung by the deacon if one is available. Maybe if I can push EverythingIsFineGirl out, it will make room for EverythingIsInTuneGirl.
The lights come on halfway through the service, and everyone yells The Lord is Risen! Alleluia, alleluia! and then we have communion. I was on chalice last night, and I think it went ok. No one went home with massive wine stains on their clothing, anyway.
The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia, alleluia!
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