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'cause your devices are not working for you anymore

I'm a fucking mess, people. Seriously.

Skool is really bringing out some of the most unappealing parts of my emotional life. Namely, I'm this walking anxiety bomb with a tiny little fuse in it. The vast majority of this anxiety really doesn't intersect with reality in any meaningful way, but it's still there, making me act like a Complete Nutjob. I'm on meds, which help, but I think they've been overpowered and knocked to the floor by the force of my current anxiety-fest.

Naturally, my preferred thing to do would be to find a way to avoid these feelings, but it's kind of looking like avoidance isn't compatible with deacon skool. If I want to go forward, I'm going to have to accept that part of the ride is going to be finding a way to make peace with the anxiety creature. Which will, um, suck, quite a bit, for an undertermined length of time.

It has been a while since I've had that really intense, skin-rubbed-raw inside-out feeling that is often part of the Christian experience, when the comfortable things aren't comfortable and the new things don't really fit yet. It looks like I'm in for another round of that, though.
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