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all over the place

A collection of random and disjointed paragraphs.

I'm back from my retreat. It was good, although I spent a good chunk of it in my room, getting caught up on my skool reading and journaling and working on papers in bursts which lasted as long as my laptop battery held out. My room didn't have a grounded plug, so when the battery died, I had leave the laptop in the ladies' room, which had modern plugs, to recharge.

I'm still processing my grandmother's death, and fighting off these weird ideas I'm having, that my grief is inappropriate. I don't know where that is coming from. Maybe it's the sense of relief that we're all feeling that is making me feel guilty. Her last months were pretty awful, for her and for everyone around her. Mostly I'm thinking of her as the rabid golfer who would take very young me out to the drugstore to sit in a booth and eat chocolate donuts and would listen to all my babbling with great interest. She had some kind of fever when she was young which made her hair turn pure white, and she used to wear it pulled back in a ponytail with a scarf. I remember that my cousin and I would go through her drawers when she wasn't around, and we were always really intimidated by her Serious Bras, which seemed so architectural.

My official favorite book right now is Merry Kitschmas, which I actually bought to give to Ryan for Christmas, but I think I'm going to give it to her early for the clever fruitcake packaging ideas and the entirely questionable drink recipes. Because, see, I have to show it to her NOW. From the description:

Rejoice in the gaudiest gifts of the season with Merry Kitschmas, a glorious inspirational guide for Santa's hapless and hopeless little helpers. Sure to awaken fond memories of a tackier, spanglier time, the dazzling decorating ideas in these pages put the ho ho ho (or the oh, oh, oh) back into the holidays. Send tastebuds tripping on a sentimental journey with the delicious Yes You Can! straight-from-the-can-to-the-table Kitschmas feast. Dee-licious! Save a tree, and set the house aglow with a glittering aluminum White Trash Christmas Tree. And finally bring those nagging carolers that Frigging Figgy Pudding they've been yapping on about for decades. Merry Kitschmas provides a sleighful of holiday inspiration for anyone itching to craft with fruitcake, frolic in a tree skirt, and wow the neighbors with a spectacular lawn lighting fantasia. So, don you now your gay apparel -- it's beginning to look a lot like Kitschmas!
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