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Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I am pretty much wrung out from my trip. Dennis wanted to call in sick for both of us today and maybe I should have let him. Things are still tense at St. Ned's, but having gotten some distance, I care slightly less. Or maybe I'm just on overload still and not much else can get through. I didn't really do a lot of processing while I was in Tennessee, so there's all this deferred grief waiting to pounce at any moment.
Saying goodbye to my grandmother was hard. And rather funny, since she was having hallucinations and was convinced that there was a cat in the room. My dad shoo'd it out for her, but it came back in. Apparently it was a funny-looking little cat, and she was amused by it. Anyway, the imaginary kitty kept the moment from getting all heavy and serious so maybe it was a gift, a nicer memory than I would have had otherwise.
I got another one of those 'Jesus would like you better if you didn't have such a bad attitude' emails today. Sigh. While I know intellectually that not everyone gets me, there are days when I just don't fucking need to hear about it. See? There's that bad attitude again.
Best thing today: reading Mimi Smartypants' take on magazines.
I didn't have to sit next to anyone on the flight home. I'm kind of sad I flew through Detroit instead of Memphis this time, because apparently there's a big Elvis celebration this week and it might have made for some interesting people-watching on my layover. I like the shuttle at the Detroit airport that takes you to the farthest gates, though.
I'm a little surprised that I was able to bring my size 17 bamboo knitting needles on the plane with me. Seriously, had there been a vampire-related emergency, I could have handled it because those needles are giant spikes. But I knit a quick fluffy blue scarf on the first leg of my trip and that made me happy. It looks like Cookie Monster met with a horrible accident.
I think the plan for this week should be, Don't Make Any Decisions. I have that shredded-apart feeling inside which causes me to want to set things in order, but my judgment sucks when I feel this way. I do stupid things in this state. My anxiety about starting skool is taking on fierce proportions, and it would be pretty easy to decide not to do it at all. So, my life is a no-decision zone. I can pick my own food and my own outfits (some would argue I shouldn't be permitted that) and that's it.
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