So, it looks like there is a solution to my housing issues, and not one that I could have predicted or even brought about on my own. Yay for going hands-off on that one.
Earlier this week, I got into it with someone who said that Christians are pathetic because they can't handle being in charge of their lives and therefore need to lean on Jesus.
I was nice about it.
My main objection, though, is that it assumes that being in charge of my own life is the ultimate goal, and I'm failing if I can't do that.
As it is told 'round here, being in control looks like this: I am in total charge of my own destiny. I can re-invent myself every week if I want to. If I don't get what I want, then I just didn't want it enough. I can choose the diet soda that best expresses my individuality.
The lie says: If I'm in control of my life, then whatever happens to me is also under my control. I can take the right combination of vitamins and medical treatments so I will never ever die. I can make people love me through the correct selection of products and services. If I have enough money, I will never have to be uncomfortable. And if I don't have enough money, it's my own damn fault and my worth is negligible.
This is an ok belief system as long as things are going well, but throw in an unscheduled job loss, illness, death of someone important, and it pretty much falls apart.
Almost all of the really unpleasant 3 a.m. mindfucking that I do is directly related to thinking that I should be more in control of my life. And it leads to a good outcome, what...never? Exhibit A: Stupid second job I tried to take on last month. That was all about me trying to be more in control, to yank back whatever I had handed over to God, and it was a huge waste of energy.
So, I'm not in control of my life. I'm slowly becoming ok with this. I relapse a lot, because it's hard to avoid something that is so pervasive in the culture. But when I can maintain it, things just go better.
Advent is a great time to meditate on this, because it's a season about waiting and waiting is all about not being in control. Which is why you sometimes get to see people melt down in stores this time of year. Advent says, you are not ready to be with the incarnate God. Sit. Wait. He's coming. But there's nothing you can do to make it happen any faster. You've been given time to prepare. Use it wisely. [note: edited for clarity]
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