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We were talking about signs this week in our small group, and I remembered one of those 'Jesus throws a sandal at the back of my head' moments in my life.

When I started working at St. Ned's, I was going to another church. Also Episcopal, but the average member was right around retirement age, and I just didn't fit in all that well. I used to joke that I was The Young Adult of the parish. I liked the clergy and the staff, but I was really isolated within the congregation. Although I was involved in several things, nothing was really pushing me spiritually. I was so lonely, but I thought that if I just kept trying, I'd be an insider eventually.

One weekend about 4 months after I'd started working at St. Ned's, I read something on a message board from someone lamenting the quality of the churches around her, and I started to write back a very perky response saying that if she was in the bay area, she should come to this really great church...and I described St. Ned's. Thwap! What was I doing? I was inviting people to come to this church, talking about how supportive and loving the community is, and how the emphasis is on spiritual growth and transformation and how the Rector just Gets It...but I'm not going to this church. I'm sneaking into the back of a place where I don't feel supported or even especially wanted instead.

Jeebus Melmo, how much more obvious does this need to be? Do I need a burning bush?

I had a meeting with the Rector at the other church a week or so later...I was in complete turmoil, because I knew that I wanted to be at St. Ned's but here I was talking to the other church about a vocations committee and I didn't know how to just break things off. I thought it was going to be a really hard, unpleasant conversation. Except...right away, the Rector said that she kept thinking that maybe I should go to St. Ned's, and go through the vocations process there.

Note to self for the future: when something is in alignment with God's will, God clears the way for it. Discernment 101.
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