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Hear this, O ye love-child of Methuselah, for you will be mocked by eunuchs!

Found via the Fruitcake Zone at Ship of Fools ("In our opinion, there's no fruitcake like religious fruitcake"): AfterlifeTelegrams.com. Be sure to read the FAQ. Remember, "Reincarnation could cause a problem. By the time the telegram can reach the addressee, he could already be back on earth." $5.00 per word, which is refunded if the messenger lives longer than a year.

You may also enjoy the Biblical Curse Generator. I hope you will be smitten with all-over boils, thou offspring of a squashed cockroach!
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