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Monday, June 30, 2003
[rambling unformed thoughts, my apologies]
I missed church yesterday, which is too bad considering that the gospel was the story that goes with the image I chose for this page, Jesus and the Samaritan Woman at the well.
For people who know me, I think it's a big DUH why I chose this particular story as the illustration for going jesus. Let's see...Jesus starts talking to the least likely person, and turns her into a believer. Yeah, that works. The person is a social outcast who has to slip over to the well when no one is looking, she's screwed her life up, and she's rather prickly - oooh, right again! I'll take 'blatantly obvious' for $500, Alex.
In the end, Jesus spends two days with the Samaritans, and the people tell the woman that they believe now because of what they have seen, and not because of what she has said. I always wonder how she felt about that. Did she miss that little thrill of celebrity once Jesus himself took over? What was her life like after Jesus left? How did her encounter with Jesus change her - was she welcomed back into the community? Did anyone remember that she was the one who came running from the well, in the middle of the day? Did she keep reminding them over and over until they started to avoid her again?
Last week, we heard the previous chapter, in which John the Baptist (head still intact) says of Jesus, "He must increase, but I must decrease." and I see an echo of that here. JtB knew that he wasn't the messiah, that his job was to make clear the way of the Lord...and then get out of the way. I don't have as many questions about him as I do about the woman at the well. Maybe because I am no John the Baptist.
I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it: I must decrease.
That sounds really unpleasant to me, raised I was to believe that it really is all about me (and perhaps my silly little blog, too). Decrease? I got presents on my brother's birthday just so I wouldn't feel bad about it not being my birthday. And I'm supposed to let someone else be the messiah? I'm supposed to carry somebody else's message? I'm supposed to make the path straight and then get out of the way? Huh? I'm an American, raised in the 70s. That's not really what I'm trained for.
I'd really like my ministry to be all about me sometimes. Me me me. I want to be fabulous! I want to bring people to Christ! I want to fill churches with my brilliant faith! I'd want the people of Sychar to put up a nice statue of me next to the well, because I'm the one who told them about Jesus in the first place. Which is, of course, totally and completely wrong and not how it works At All.
I'm not saying that this makes a lot of sense to me right now - I'm stuck in the middle of knowing what doesn't work, and waiting for an understanding of what does. I know that there is a truth that I'm very close to grasping, and when I do, it will be another breakthrough. I'm turning it over in my mind, feeling the weight of it and not really expecting it to crack open just yet. I see where I'm being pointed, though, and that's a huge enough blessing for the moment.
*for any confused Episcopalians out there, St. Ned's doesn't always follow the common lectionary. We're reading John this summer.
related note:
The preacher last week used the term 'yield' to describe the decrease, which reminded me of this great bit from what may be my all-time favorite Annie Lamott essays. I am not exaggerating when I say that this piece of writing saved my life. Anyway, here's what she says about yielding:
But it was when I was hopeless, caught in desperation and grief, that I got humble, teachable, willing to surrender.
Of course, I grew up with an older brother, so to me surrender means you get your face ground in the dirt. It means you get noogies on your upper arm and then you have to go downstairs and get him oranges. But surrender to God means you come over to the winning side. A synonym for "surrender" is "yield," which means, agriculturally, to step aside and let something grow.
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